Tag: boundaries

Personal Boundaries: Where Do You Draw the Line?

  • Do you have a hard time saying “no” to people in your personal life space?
  • Do you find yourself agreeing to do things with and for certain people in your life, so as not to rock the boat in that relationship?
  • Do you have any insights into your behavior within that relationship or is it a conditioned response you’ve grown so accustomed to, that you don’t think to question it?
  • Do you have a hard time setting boundaries in your personal or perhaps even your business relationships?
  • If so why is that?
  • Do you lack self esteem and need the validation from others to feel good about yourself?
  • Do you agree and do whatever they may ask of you for fear of feeling rejected or abandoned by them if you don’t comply?

Boundaries are an absolutely critical component needed for creating and maintaining satisfying and respectful relationships in our daily lives, both personal and professional. The question is, “Why are these boundaries so difficult for many of you to uphold when even the smallest of triggers presents itself?

At the core of this personal boundaries dilemma is your relationship with yourself.

How do you treat yourself? Are you in denial of your need for self love, or do you just not care enough about yourself to bother taking care of you? I’m going to guess that at least some of you are far more mindful of other people in your life than you are of yourself. Your relationship partner, children, parents, and even friends really enjoy the way that you care for them and have perhaps learned to expect it from you.

But where do you draw the line or do you not draw it at all?

Do you find the courage to say, “No, I can’t do this for you,” or, “I just don’t really want to do it today”? Or do you simply blow up at someone when you just can’t take it anymore because you feel so overwhelmed with all the demands placed upon you by them and others in your daily life?

There are a lot of important questions to ponder here. I hope you take some time to answer them for yourself and then decide what you want to do about creating more mindful and respectful boundaries with the people in your life.

The best place to start is with yourself:

  1. It’s truly ok to show yourself some love. Even if you don’t feel it, act as if you do and then see how you like it. Pretend that you are someone special and treat yourself as such for one whole day. From pampering to positive self talk, give yourself the works from the inside out. At the end of that day, sit back relax and reflect. How was it for you? If you enjoyed it, why do you not do this daily? Why do you not treat yourself with the respect you deserve each and every day of your life?
  2. Stop being dependent on others for attention that will feed your starving sense of self. You don’t like yourself, so you figure if other people respond to you in positive ways, it might influence you to like yourself even a little bit or perhaps not to dislike yourself as much you already do. For many of you, the reason you do this is that you lack self esteem and a feeling of self worth, which is reflected in your lack of personal boundaries.
  3. Take back your power if you are truly fed up with this way of living. You can do this if you decide that you are ready to make a change in your life. It’s not an easy task, but changing daily life habits that influence your negative self talk will help a lot.
  4. Get off your butt and go to the gym even if you don’t want to. Plan your workout in advance if your able and if not, ask for help or invest in a few training sessions to get you started. There are great apps to use in the gym, many of which are free. Exercise is a critical component in shifting the way you feel about yourself from the inside out. Before going to the gym, put on some fresh gym clothes that you feel good in. You know… the ones you bought and wore only once because you felt too conspicuous in them, after which you shoved them back in the drawer and got out the potato sack you always wear if you do decide to go to the gym or the park for a run. No more! Wear gym clothes that make you feel and look beautiful and confident to yourself first.
  5. Clean up your diet. You know enough about nutrition to understand that the junk food you eat daily influences the way you feel and think, but you feel like crap right now, so you decided that eating junk foods daily is the way to go. Stop it right now. If you need some suggestion on what to eat, consult Google university or send me your questions and I’ll be happy to answer them for you. There are indeed foods to eat that influence endorphins, and also improve your mood and digestion. You can unlearn these shitty habits the same way you learned them. Twenty one days of different food choices should take care of that problem. I didn’t say this was easy, but I am saying that it’s doable. You just have to want to. And if you need some added support, reach out to me in the comments below or via email and perhaps I can be of help if you feel that you need it.

Where do you draw the line?

The answer is:

I draw the line in a place that is respectful of myself and my own needs on a given day. If I’ve taken care of myself first and am comfortable in giving you what you are asking of me today, then it’s all good because I’m not dependant upon your response to determine my self worth.

It’s really ok to say “NO” to others and “YES” to yourself and your self esteem. Go on try it! I bet you might even enjoy it!

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